You Are Not Alone

This past Monday at the hospital we spent significant time as chaplains exploring how to handle baby deaths. One word that could sum up the experience was uncomfortable. This is true for two reasons. First, what do you say to a family who is dealing with the unimaginable? I know theologically speaking there is much we could say:

1. Lamentations 3:37-38 “Who can speak and have it happen if the Lord does not decreed it? Is it not from the mouth of the most High that both calamities and good things come? (God’s absolute control)
2. Ephesians 1:11 “In him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will. (God has the power to carry out his plan, see Jeremiah 29:11).
3. Ecclesiastes 7:14 “When times are good, be happy; but when times are bad, consider; God has made the one as well as the other. Therefore, a man cannot discover anything about his future. (God is sovereign over both the good and the bad).
4. Genesis 50:20 (the whole Joseph story) “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.”(God has purpose in our pain).
5. Job 23:8-10 (The whole Job story) “…when he turns to the south, I catch no glimpse of Him. But he knows the way that I take; when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold. (God will purify us through our trials, they are not meaningless).

Although there is much truth to grasp in these statements the moment to share this information is not always in the now. Where do we begin? This aspect makes the situation uncomfortable. There is another reason I found it uncomfortable. My wife is pregnant. Our baby son Matthias is due February 1. Listening to how to help others begin their grief process makes me consider how I would handle grieving in the same situation. This morning I had a talk with my wife. I asked her “How would we respond if Matthias was still born, or only survived a few hours”? Would we be angry with God? I wanted to think through the situation not because I tend to live in fear, but because it is a possibility. Suffering is a part of the world we live in.
As we were escorted through the hospital going over the procedures, I had to ask God “Why do some families have to face this tragedy?” The expectation of life and joy. The hopes, dreams and potential for new life, and then the unexpected loss that first knocks the breath out of you, and then changes your life forever. What was the answer I received? Sin. The reason death exists is because of sin. When man first rebelled against God in the garden everything changed, sin, death, disease, fear, all these entered into the world. Romans 6:23 “For the wages of sin is death…” We have earned death by our wrong actions.
This is the point where we want to be angry with God and blame shift. Before we do there are three truths we must consider, “The Bible asserts both God’s sovereignty and people’s freedom and moral responsibility, it never attempts to explain their relationship. The first [truth] is that God is infinite in His ways as well as His being. A finite mind simply cannot comprehend an infinite being beyond what He has expressly revealed to us…some things about God will forever remain a mystery…the relationship of the sovereign will of God to the freedom and moral responsibility of people is one of those mysteries. The second truth is that God is never the author of sin…we must never conclude that God has induced anyone to sin…The fact that people’s sinful intents and actions serve the sovereign purpose of God does not make God the author of their sin nor make them any less culpable for their actions…The third truth…is that the Bible consistently portrays people as making real choices of their own will. There is never any suggestion in Scripture of people being mindless puppets moved by divine strings. (See Psalm 50:21; James 1:13-14; Acts 4:27-28; Revelation 17:17). (Trusting God p. 69-70).”
But even more importantly we need to remember the hope that is given to us from God. Romans 6:23, “The wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus our Lord.” John Piper wrote, ““The Son of God who is the father’s beloved and delight was forsaken. He was abandoned and left all alone. Being forsaken by his friends was one thing, but being forsaken by his Father was quite another. The depth of this pain is greater than we can know…Why is the depth of Christ’s pain significant for us? Because “we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin” (Heb. 4:15). In the midst of our pain we may feel alone and believe that no one has hurt as badly as we hurt. But it isn’t true. Jesus Christ has felt such pain; indeed, he has felt pain that would have destroyed us. He is able to sympathize. (Suffering and the Sovereignty of God p. 186). (See Matt 27:46; Heb 4:15; Heb. 4:16).
Perhaps at the beginning, when speaking with those who are suffering unimaginable pain we begin by saying, “Friend, you are not alone.”