Emotion, it runs in the family.

Just this week I began a class called clinical pastoral education. I am interning as a chaplain this semester at Wake Med. We had our orientation on Monday and I wanted to share my reflections from day one.

Psalm 27:1 “The Lord is my light and my salvation; Whom shall I fear?”

With a moment of freedom at the end of my busy day I begin to reflect upon all the thoughts and emotions I experienced on orientation day. As the day approached, I felt the usual emotions of nervousness associated with beginning a new job. Walking into the meeting room felt like so many other orientation moments where I did not know anyone and begin to formulate in my mind how to begin the conversational tennis game of getting to know a total stranger. I was contemplating how to serve the first question and opted awkwardly to eat breakfast and wait for introductions. Its Not that I am nervous about speaking to groups, in fact I prefer smaller groups. It surprises me how moments like these after so many can still feel so uncomfortable. I was thankful for the introduction time as it provided me with questions I could lob across the net and begin my game of making new acquaintances
Another emotion stirring inside of me that morning was anxiety. At first I recognized this in regards to the amount of information being given to us and the serious nature of why we are receiving it. Everyday in this hospital are people, and families struggling with heavy burdens. We need to be prepared to speak truth, hope, and comfort to their souls. I was for a moment reminded of the matrix and the scene when they download martial arts ability into Keanu Reeves head. The difference is that I am confident when I really needed the information given to me I will not be able to remember all of it. Praise God for the Holy Spirit who is able to strengthen me. Also, in regards to anxiousness that morning, before anyone said it, and due to the atmosphere of being in a hospital preparing to speak into the lives of hurting people I had a real sense of my own mortality, as well as that of my family. The emotion was a passing one. Had I chosen to dwell on it, or should I now, or in the future, it has the potential to become a sticky thought. One that will be hard to set aside. I was reminded of the sovereignty of my God. And, as I was tempted to think about all the things that could possibly happen to me or my family, I was told about so many terrible things that have happened to others and their families. Once again I was faced with a choice to fear or trust. A professor at Southeastern taught me that we serve a potentially dangerous God. He does allow pain and suffering. How thankful I am He does. If not, who would have paid the price for my sins? Where would my hope be?
The early church fathers taught that God was impassable, or without emotion. Scriptural talk about the wrath of God, or grief of the Holy Spirit, was simply God attempting to talk to us in language we could understand. Modern theologians are more biblical in their approach to this topic recognizing the emotions of our God, and realizing we were created in his image, and display these emotions as well. When I used to hear the word emotion I thought of personal opinion or pop psychology, and I functioned as if scripture was silent on the subject. Then again, I did not really know the scriptures. I have since learned that scripture contains the norms for behavior, thought life, and emotions. Life without emotion would not be human life. We cannot function as ministers without an understanding of emotions. “ Fear not” is a frequent command in scripture. Peter says to cast anxieties upon Christ. Scripture says a righteous man hates what God hates, and Moses says we will be judged for not serving with joy. I realize as I reflect upon my first day that I will need to explore all these commands to be effective ministering to others who also struggle with problematic emotions.